by Simon Segal
Everything has a vibration – smells, sounds, colors, objects, animals, people. We are in a continual energetic cycle of communication with everything around us, and what we let to affect us is what we become.
And as much as we have the power to affect the world around us with our energy, sometimes we seemingly lose that ability because our vibration becomes lowered and weaker than the surrounding sources.
In this lowered state, we become negativity sponges. Everybody is looking for a place to dump their negativity because it’s very hard to deal with. And when you become an energy dumpster… well, I don’t have to say too much about it – you are well aware what happens.
The sad truth is that we often choose to lower our vibration for all the wrong purpose. I’m not talking about going against our innate goodness (that is self-explanatory). I am talking about destroying our shield out of goodness.
Although it’s always important to lower your shield when you want to connect with people, we often go a step too far, compromising our energy, and ending up in a messed up energetic state.
So, here’s how to know what is that one step too far and how you can reclaim your vibration.
1. Avoid connecting with people through negative emotion
It may seem like an unavoidable scenario: your friend feels sad, and you match emotions to connect with them – to make them some kind of consolation-company. This way, we even our vibration with theirs to be on the same wavelength, and we thus lower our vibration.
Some may argue that this is very normal and expected from those who are close to you. I’d argue against it, though. It’s true that misery likes company, but this kind of company will never help anyone out.
If you truly hold that person dear, you should offer them a higher vibration so that they can get out of that lowered state. This way, you not only help them, but you also help yourself by not getting down in the dumps. In the end, how can you help someone out if you start suffering from the same problem as them?
2. Some things are not your responsibility – and they shouldn’t be
We all face challenges that are set there to make us grow. These challenges may often feel negative and almost impossible to handle. However, the worst you can do for them is take their responsibility upon yourself.
We often start feeling as if we are supposed to fix other people’s problems simply because they complained about how difficult they were for them. Other times, when we are asked to help, we decide to take one step further and start doing the things they are supposed to and can do.
However, you shouldn’t forget that we all carry our own baggage and we are responsible for it more than for the baggage of others. Giving help doesn’t mean grabbing their bags and pulling them with our teeth because our hands are already full.
No matter how ready you feel to do this, it doesn’t do the other person any good because they won’t learn anything from that challenge – they won’t grow. The better option is to encourage them to use their knowledge and power and face the challenge because they are readier for it than you can imagine.
Nobody needs a problem-solver. We just sometimes need a little push and some encouragement.
3. Substitute compassion for sympathy
Sympathy is a poison. Many people don’t understand this and find me cold-hearted when I say this, although I know how much love I have for this world. And why is it a poison? Because it leads nowhere but in the worst direction.
Sympathy means that you feel sorry for someone’s struggle, and when you feel sorry for them, it means that you don’t believe they are capable of coping with that challenge. Why would you think that? Our ability to tackle the most difficult of challenges is something we are born with.
So, why underestimate the person by feeling sorry for them? Compassion is a much more evolved approach that lets you understand their struggle, accept their position, and empower them (if you can) to overcome the obstacles.
You need to have more trust in the people you love – you need to trust their ability, that requires a simple spark of love and understanding to come to the surface. Compassion is a force that promotes growth and bonding – sympathy is a force that destroys the person before they were given the chance to fight.
4. Don’t be so sure that you know better
A person’s life is such a complex thing that you cannot possibly imagine everything that makes that complexity. So are life situations, in which everyone has their smart opinion – until they are faced with one too.
I have never asked for a piece of someone else’s mind on things that are happening to me. Do you know why? It takes a lot more than words for me to explain everything that is part of that problem, and I don’t see why this would be anything different from you or the next person.
And no matter how much you know about someone’s problem, they will always know one thing more. Which means, no matter how good your advice is, no matter how better you think you know – your advice will most often be a dead end for them.
Why a dead end? Because they didn’t act the way they would and listened to you. Being true to yourself and to your nature is the most important thing. Every mistake I have made because it was my decision has been better than the seemingly ‘best things’ I’ve done under other people’s instruction.
So, no, you can’t know better. Allow the person to act as they naturally would.
5. Never take sides
Oftentimes people we know get into a quarrel and try to put is in the middle by making us choose sides. They try to achieve dominance in numbers and don’t really care about your opinion, which can be felt clearly.
In most of the scenarios, you simply want to be objective and rational, so as to help your, say, friends, to overcome the communication problem and make up.
However, bias, pressure, and thinking that we know it all make us jump in the middle and become bombarded by two clashing sources of negative energy. In the end, you don’t help in any way and end up feeling drained and guilty that you stepped in in the first place.
And really, why should you take sides in a problem that isn’t yours? Instead of choosing the sides of the story, you should embrace them and accept that people need to solve their differences without your meddling.
6. Never become a people pleaser (and if you are, start saying NO)
I have yet to learn to say NO to some situations, as all of us empaths have that people-pleasing gene that is screwing us over. But really, putting others in front of you may feel rewarding and selfless, although it’s actually ridiculous – and those others usually know it.
If everyone acted this way, we would live in a Utopia, I suppose. The truth, though, is that it’s impossible because we were simply born in our own skin, not that of the others – which means we need to start from ourselves.
Putting others before yourself and giving your energy away like you won it off in a casino is a self-betrayal that people won’t appreciate in you, no matter how much you hope that you’ll be appreciated for it.
A better option is to always ask yourself: ‘Can that person do that themselves?’ ‘Can that person wait?’ ‘Do I have to do something related to my life first?’ Even mothers shouldn’t bend to every of their children’s ideas and wishes, right? Why should you?
7. Mind your own business
It’s our eternal pain to learn what others think of us. Many have started revolving their lives around other people’s thoughts and opinions of them. It’s saddening and sickening, really.
I have the reputation of a ‘cold,’ ‘reserved,’ ‘arrogant,’ and whatnot person because I keep my healthy distance and don’t allow people to gobble up my life force and personality. And you know what? I don’t really care. In fact, I’m glad.
Everybody knows me for who I am, and I have never thought twice before saying the things I mean and standing up for myself because I don’t expect anyone else to do it for me.
I know I have an unlimited source of love for this world – but sometimes naughtiness can’t be rewarded with candy, right? Unless it’s cute, I suppose!
The most important thing is that you can’t define your life on the basis of other people’s opinions and thoughts about you. Those who like to judge you for who you are can freely do it, and you can freely not give an f*, because in the end: THAT’S YOU AND YOU SHOULDN’T CHANGE YOURSELF BECAUSE OF ANYONE’S OPINION.
Reclaim your identity, because if you lose it, nobody will be there to find it and bring it back to you. By reclaiming your identity, you reclaim your energy. Respect yourself and respect everyone around you, but know your boundaries.
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