Over the years, I’ve met a lot of people who had only aged physically.
No matter whether they were 25 or 55, in the depths of their being, they were still that child who was denied the love that should be given to every person. They cannot leave that stage till they are able to understand self-love.
Our needs vary depending on the stage of life we are in. Hence, the amount care and affection we want from our mothers and fathers differs depending on our age at the time. We just require different things from what we did before.
The period soon after we are born is when we learn to trust and so what we need then is motherly concern for us. But if a mother dismisses the needs of the child, they begin to instinctively feel anxious.
When these kids grow older, they struggle to be able to trust others. They are scared of intimacy and are always doubting their relationships.
After the child turns two, independence and restraint develop gradually. But if the parents block them by continuing to the things the child can do for themselves with impatience and irritation, the child beings to feel ashamed.
When the parents are always coddling the child, they only confuse them and they start doubting their own skills. They don’t feel like they can take charge of their own situation by themselves.
This carries on to when they are older and they begin to constantly worry about what other people are thinking of them. They tend to suffer from paranoia and obsessive-compulsiveness.
A child who is between the ages 3 to 6 needs to be encouraged to think for themselves and initiate tasks. They also need to be allowed to express curiosity and any creative impulses they have in a constructive manner. Constant punishment will only mean that the child starts to feel guilty for being their own self.
When they are adults, they often set unrealistic aims and goals which they cannot possible fulfill. The guilty feeling that controls them can make them passive, impotent or frigid and sometimes they develop psychopathic traits.
Once a child starts going to school, they being to develop a value system. But if they are made to feel like they are inferior to others at their level, they will not feel encouraged to learn more. They will begin to feel like they are less than others which defeats their abilities to survive the world well.
Look for the child that dwells within you and try to help that part of you develop. Look at a picture from when you are young and analyze the thoughts and feelings you must have felt then.
Next, take differently colored pencils and use your dominant hand to write as the adult, and the other hand to write for your childhood self. You might be astonished by what you learn about yourself in this conversation.
Develop a working relationship with your inner child and find out what they lack. Try to provide them with that need and be gentle and loving. You can give yourself the love that you need.
Inspired by Conscious Reminder
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